wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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