You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
