dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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