I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
