Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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