I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
