I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
