No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
