sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
