the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
