If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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