non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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