I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
