Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
How external is "for external use only"?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
