I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
