My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
