I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
