my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
