I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
