if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
