i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize