He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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