I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
