HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
