Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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