Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
