I just threw up on my dentist
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
