I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Shame is for Republicans.
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