I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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