Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
