I just pynch a tree in the face
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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