Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
