it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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