i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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