I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
