Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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