i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
