Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
