you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
