he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
