my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
