I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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