YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Randomize
