I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
