I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
