Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
