Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
