i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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