By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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