well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
